Into The Void

 Release. Let go.  Receive.  

All words that continue and continue and all I hear is I want to keep this.  It’s familiar ground.  Letting go requires change.  Allowing a new feeling to come in.  Sure it may feel good for a while, but eventually it just feels … empty. 

Emptiness can be mis-understood as sadness or fear.  Be assured that it is not the same.  It is a temporary state that eventually will get filled like an empty glass being filled by water.   You are an empty vessel.  Letting go has created this space within.   Honor that.  Grow aware of it.  Allow yourself to be filled up with what you most desire.   

But here’s the thing about desire, it’s not something you can speak of.  Desire is within.  It is a calling, a craving, a yearning for something more.  Your heart knows it.  Does your heart speak to you in words?  Mine does not.  It’s a feeling of clairsentience and color.   Brilliant blues, greens and purple that let me know my heart is there. 

You’ve heard of ‘into the wild’.  What about ‘into the void’?  The great beyond.  The quantum.  Zero point frequency.  It is ESSENTIAL to BE empty to FEEL empty and to GRIEVE empty.  It is jumping off the cliff with no parachute.   

And what happens when the grief rises?  - Oh it does rise.  Up and up until your head is filled with stories and images and colors of sadness and not good enoughness.  For as soon as you become still with exhaustion to fall asleep, you suddenly can’t.  The images and feelings become louder.   You start treating the symptom and not the root cause.  Searching for tips on falling asleep, and apps to track sleep debt and heart rate.  

What if you honored that rising tide before you fell asleep?  What if you created a sacred sleep routine that gave you permission to be with your emotions and yourself before you even tried to fall asleep?  What if you combed your hair, slathered your dry skin with a sweet smelling body oil and gave yourself permission to say -  I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.  I love you.  

So you try this and it doesn’t work.  So you give up.  You give into the resistance and that little voice in your head tries to convince you that you are in fact, always going to feel sad and always going to feel tired and never going to sleep.  

But what if, just what if, you tried it again.  And again.  And again.   And each time, you make your sacred sleep routine a little bit longer, and a little bit more sacred.  Suddenly you find yourself actually making your bed, and picking up the dirty clothes, and folding that basket of laundry that has been there for weeks.  You start to throw away the things that you never use and you create true sacred sleep space for yourself.  And if you go to extremes like me to ‘figure out what’s wrong with yourself’, you even kick your husband out of the room for sacred sleep routine or maybe if it works, even permanently.  He was always waking you up anyway like a guard dog.  

Then one day, you light a candle on your altar, and you pull a card, and it says Sleep.  You pull another and it says Void.  And another still and it says Love.  You have arrived to the void and you sleep beautifully.