Burnout

Isn’t it ironic that typically masculine industries invite speakers on burnout to help their workers?  We want to ‘help’ you -  because you know - you’re the problem.  

Fuck your help and your burnout because guess what -  I understand we cured obesity and for the last 50 years told people - it's your fucking fault for being overweight.  Well guess what - it’s not your fault.  And it’s all a lie.  

Do you get the analogy?   Burnout is not your fucking fault.  

Oh by the way we’ve cured anxiety and depression - also not your fault. 

But we aren’t here to be angry - we’re burnout.  We are well past that. 

Here’s the emotional scale -  burnout is way down below overwhelm and anger, where most people ‘think’ they are burnt out. 

Boredom 

Overwhelm

Blame

Anger 

Apathy 

Guilt 

Burnout

Fear 

What is burnout?  Let’s get real - it’s the fear of the unknown.   

So like any other emotion I want you to call it out for what it is.   I see you burnout.  I see you and I don’t know why you’re here. 

You know it wasn’t until I told a close friend upon evaluating a new job offer -  that she reflected back to me -   C.  - do you think you’re burnt out over the worry about going back to the office?  And just like that it hit me -  yes.  Because there was no way in hell I was going back to the office.   The fluorescent lights, the shared refrigerator, shared bathrooms -  NO FUCKING WAY.   You can have your shitty office and your disgusting bathrooms too.  

But then I realized - I miss people.  I’m an extrovert. I miss my parking spot.  It made me feel special, you know.  

But you know what else makes me feel special -  lunch time sex on a Wednesday.  That really makes me feel special.  Didn’t do that much before covid. 

Let’s all just hold a moment of silence for all the women out there who are now getting some when they aren’t tired as shit and faking it. 

So when I actually quit my job I was REALLY specific.   As in, I knew I had an audience.  C. - so why are you leaving?!   Oh no they would say.  What they meant was - oh no for me because shit’s about to get real without you.  

So I found myself counseling employees on my way out - about them leaving.  And I quickly realized I had to turn the conversation around.  I didn’t want to be THAT person - that plug to the drain that just lets all the water out.   I would say-  you know you can leave - there are a billion jobs out there OR you could just tell your boss what you need. Now.  

See we as employees  - especially women - get lost in the myriad of HR documents and policies.  All we see are walls around us.  When the reality is those policies and walls are completely fake.  They are mutually agreed upon code of conduct.  Does your five year old give a shit about a code of conduct -  no.  So when shit hits the fan - do you think you need to either?  No.  Pick up the phone and call your HR Director - and spill it.  You don’t even have to give specifics.  Just say - I’m really burnt out, there’s a lot of family stuff going on right now, and I need time off but see I’ve got this project and my manager will not stop calling me even when I take time off.   Because that’s what happen to me.  Only it wasn’t my manager - it was everyone else in the company!  NO ONE paid any respect to scheduled time off because they were so codependent on individuals that they literally couldn’t get the work done without me.  And I literally had to say - call anytime!  I’m 100% yours.  Thinking like most career oriented women - oh -  I just need to be available and approachable to succeed.  Like all the time.   Well guess what.  NO YOU DON’T.  BECAUSE YOU’RE FUCKING BURNT OUT.  And you’re killing yourself.  Literally. 

At the time, I literally didn’t have the tools to support myself in communicating my needs.  How do you tell a male boss who only wants to talk about work, that your family is going bananas and they won’t let you sleep?  That you’re worried a parent will die tomorrow or that your kid is home from school sick - -again.   That every person you’ve talked to that day has had a loved one die, and damn, that shit is hard.  

It’s really hard.   I get it.  Especially for you alpha women out there working in male centric professions like finance, scientific research, academia, banking, engineering, you get my point.  

So what is the answer?  It is not another workshop on burnout, or tips and tricks for managing your time.   Manage your energy, and take time off.  Quit the job.  Stand up for your needs. Find what lights you up and never look back.   I did and I’ve never been happier.