Working at home

Remember TV shows from the 80s where the Dad would always have a home office, with leather furniture, loads of books, and a desk in the middle of the room with large french doors behind him?   I watched so much TV that I grew up believing that everyone had home offices with leather furniture and a secret trap door under the desk.  

Now I have that home office (ok - no leather furniture, bookshelves, french doors or really even much of a desk) and I love that feeling of having my own space to work, think and talk on the phone.  Sorry dear - I have an important phone call.   Oh yes, it’s the board of directors calling. One moment. 

I was once on a zoom with my picture on the screen between the creator of this multi-billion-dollar movie brand and some other famous person and literally taking screen shots so I could save the memory.  Who does that?! 

Ok - so I leave my office and there are literally days with ramen noodles all over the floor, vomit from a week ago in the bathtub that was overlooked during cleaning because the shower curtain was closed and leftover pizza for dinner.  

But when I’m upstairs - that’s where I’m important. Nah - it’s the downstairs that matters.  I made a conscious decision years ago that I didn’t want a maid to clean my house or a nanny to take care of my kids.  I want to clean up the vomit and ramen noodles because it means I’m needed.  And honestly, it can wait.  We have more than one bathroom and come on - it’s not like the kid takes a bath everyday anyway.   Neither do I, now that I think about it. 

Hmmm… I wonder where that phone charger is. 

See we don’t get this time back.  This time together. 

Just yesterday I made the decision to remove my boundary of clearing the dinner table after our sit-down dinner.  

My husband thinks I’m ridiculous for eating a sit-down meal every day, but what I came to realize was that dinner is the ONLY time I got to see my family and speak with them during the day.  Our schedules simply didn’t allow for that at any other time in the day, and not connecting over a meal was a non-starter for me.   I demand it be done at least 4 days a week.  Or else I don’t feel loved.  I don’t know why I’ve selected sit down meals over having a clean bathroom - but I just did.  

So, when my husband asked me to watch a movie after dinner instead of clearing the kitchen table -of course I said yes.  It was my boundary to begin with.  I have the power to remove it.  But then something funny happened.  Instead of feeling resentment at being asked to lift my boundary - I simply told him - I’m sorry but you won’t have a clean kitchen this week because you are asking me to watch this movie.  The work will get behind and pile up and it will take more than one day to clear it now.  Ok - a slight exaggeration. Just so we are clear - this is a shared decision - and you won’t feel resentment at me for not having a clean kitchen.  He agreed and we watched our movie, and I can’t get that time back.